How the “Art of Neighboring” helped me become a better neighbour
By Hobbe Smit
Neighbours come in all sorts of flavours. It’s a bit like a Western movie – there’s the so-called “good”, the “bad”, and the “ugly”. Of course, so often that’s just our subjective perspective based on how we are feeling at any given time. Better than judging our neighbours would be to critically evaluate ourselves first. Am I a good neighbour?
This is the question that I found myself asking as I read “The Art of Neighbouring.” Not because it attempts to guilt trip me or pat me on the back but because the authors, Jay Pathak & Dave Runyon, do such a great job of diving into the neighbourly potential we have. They point out that “God invites us to love the way he loves.” Well, Jesus loved us to death so there’s a lot more potential out there than I’ve extended to my neighbours!
Thankfully, though, the authors don’t spend even a moment on guilt-tripping. In fact, they do the opposite and vulnerably share their own flawed hearts and how they grew in the process of becoming better neighbours. It was refreshing for me to read how author Jay once opened his door to a surprise neigbhourhood party in his living room and had an angry heart in that moment. As an introvert I don’t do well with surprise socialisation either. And, yet, I’m reminded how the Lord has grown my heart to be relationally flexible as well.
What do I mean by that? Well, the book had me fill in a “block map” grid with my family’s home and the houses around us. On the block map I had to fill in information on my neighbours and I was pleasantly surprised that I knew a lot of my neighbours beyond the basics. Reflecting further, I realized that this was the result of allowing the Spirit to soften my heart and change my tendency towards rigid scheduling. Instead of focusing exclusively on my tasks I have let the Spirit nudge me to stop and talk to neighbours who are on their porch, driveway, or on the sidewalk.
That being said, the block map exercise also made me realize that I don’t know many of my neighbours’ hopes and fears. What could I do about that? “The Art of Neighbouring” challenged me to be vulnerable about my own life in conversations with the neighbours I’ve already had a number of chats with. I also felt the Lord prompt me to say “hello” to people on the porch I usually just walk by. Have I been faithful in that?
Yes, and no. In a conversation about TV shows and books, I was able to share about how “The Chosen” inspired me to dig deeper into the Bible. As a result, my neighbour shared his views on some trends in our culture and an opportunity arose to plan a followup conversation. However, I haven’t yet talked to those porch-dwelling neighbours kitty-corner to us…
So, am I a good neighbour? Well, perhaps. I do know that thanks to “The Art of Neighbouring” spurring me on to grow in being more neighbourly, I have grown to be a better neighbour. Not primarily because I read “The Art of Neighbouring” but because that book has helped me to journey more in prayer with the Lord about how to be a good neighbour. I’m grateful for Jay Pathak and Dave Runyon’s vulnerable sharing about their failures and learnings on the way to living out the Great Commandment: to love God and to love your neighbour as yourself.
I’m excited that a number of my brothers and sisters in Christ at Sojourn Community Church have also read “The Art of Neighbouring” and let the Lord use it to spur them on to exciting new faith steps in loving their neighbours practically as well. It would be wonderful if more of our neighbours joined us in church community as a result but even if not, loving others as Jesus did (and does through) us is never wasted effort.
